BJJ – Monday 10th

Dragged myself to BJJ last night.

Not many people came but it was an excellent class. There was me, a purple belt (and all-Japan master and senior blue belt up to 72kg champion!), and this monster of a blue belt, who is also about a ten-million dan judo black belt (and throws the shit out of me on Wednesday nights).

His name is Maraiga… actually I think that’s a nickname but whatever. The guy is built like a fucking tank… Remember that round, metal dude from the creepy kids movie “Return to Oz”? The thing with the moustache? He reminds me of that thing, only not made of metal, and with completely different arms and legs, and without a moustache, and… actually not like that thing at all. He’s like a cannonball with arms and legs.

Our coach was forced to give him a blue belt after a couple of months when he was consistently twisting all of us into the kind of shapes we just aren’t supposed to be in. Once, I saw the small of my back with my own eyes when he submitted me via spine-inversion.

So there was those two, and my coach, a black belt. So basically I got choked, armbarred, shoulder-locked and de-strangulated non-stop for around two hours. Afterwards my body felt like it was constructed from shards of broken glass and raw, pounded meat. My face was literally glowing red and was so badly chafed, I canceled the shave I had planned for that night. I may never need to shave again.

In other words, great training!

A bunch of videos about DREAM…

Haven’t had a chance to watch them all yet, but I certainly will! Check it out or die, morans! Loads of good fighter footage, I think.

(DREAM is the next big thing to come out of Japan, if you didn’t know… Zombie Pride. Read Fight Opinion for the full deal.

Watch them in order:

Leglockers are niche fighters.

Is niche pronounced to rhyme with “itch” or with “quiche”? I always thought it was the latter, but the slobbering apes on Sherdog seem to say “nitch” quite a lot… anyway.

People who go for nasty leglocks all the time are definitely awesome, but I think there is a quota for them. If everyone went for leglocks all the time, then many many fights would be over too quickly. I like heelhooks, but they are kind of sneaky.

This is a warning to all the heelhookers out there (and I know the greatest fighters in the world read this blog.) Your quota is currently full. At the moment, Masakazu Imanari is “the guy who does those sweet leglocks.” You must wait until Imanari retires or is smashed into oblivion by someone with good heelhook defense. Then you may take up the mantle. If you win fights by heelhook now, I might moan about you a bit on my blog. So watch out!

Does Fedor / Couture have to be in the UFC?

 

 

I want some responses to this question!

In my desperation waiting for the Fightlinker podcast, I have been listening to the absolute drivel that is excreted by the slubs from Sherdog.

There’s the Savage Gross Show, The Beatpunch, the Fuck Awesome Shit Show, the I don’t know whatever the fucking shitting hell they want to call it but every single show might as well be renamed

“The barely-awake-irritable-smarmy-condescending-morons-recorded-in-a-submarine-

then-post-processed-in-a-food-blender show”

And the ads! Don’t get me started on the ads. Anyway, I think I heard it on the show with Josh Gross and TJ De Santis (their chemistry is “brilliant”… Josh Gross sounds as though doing a radio show about MMA is some kind of community service sentence handed down by a judge for exposing his genitals to a kindergarten. TJ De Santis takes the full brunt of his lazy, barely concealed hatred until a caller comes on, then De Santis assumes role of smarmy condescender for a few minutes.)

Basically Gross said that he didn’t care where any fight took place (ie with what organisation), as long as the fight was compelling. And that got me to thinking.

The one fight that I really, really give a shit about at the moment is Couture vs. Fedor. This is absolutely the fight of the ages. No question that Randy’s storied history, plus his incredible comeback, put him as one of the greatest fighters ever to hold a belt in the UFC, and one of the best in the world, full stop. Fedor’s complete and unblemished domination of Pride’s heavyweights also guarantees him a place as one of the finest fighters of our time. Those two meeting absolutely has to happen.

But the question is where?

I’m all for other organisations coming up to challenge the UFC. I think it’s good for the fans, and good for the fighters, to have some choice. A monopoly is never good for anyone except the monopolisers.

But right now, at this moment, or in 2008 when I hope this fight happens (and I feel dirty saying this,) I really really want the fight to happen in the UFC.

The UFC carries weight. When you watch someone fight in the UFC, it feels important. It feels legitimate. Ken Shamrock fought in Cage Rage the other day, and it barely registered a twitch on my patented Emotionometer. However, when Shamrock fought Tito Ortiz a while back in the UFC, my Emotionometer was flipping wildy from “Seriously pumperised” to “God shit this is so exciting.”

All the other shows, and I mean all of them, play second fiddle to the UFC. Not something I like, but it’s true. It would be a crime for the biggest fight of the decade not to happen in the biggest promotion of our time.

I suppose I could settle for seeing them slug it out in DREAM, but even so… DREAM doesn’t feel permanent, and doesn’t have the history of the UFC. Randy and Fedor fighting in an organisation that could go tattooed-tits up any moment just wouldn’t have the gravity it would have if they fought in the UFC.

What do you think? In an ideal world, where would this megafight take place?

Would you be happy seeing it on HDNet alongside Johnny Buttnuggets versus Peter Dillfarb for the PMT Super Light Featherweight Championship?

Would you want to see it in Elite XC and being commentated by Mauro Ranallo?

Or an organisation based around a t-shirt company?!

Like it or not, there’s only one company big enough to pump up Fedor vs. Randy to the levels it deserves, and it’s the one headed by the bald guy who says fuck a lot…

Oh and if I have to hear any more stupid Sherdog staff members butcher Fedor’s name (sometimes multiple times in the same sentence) … It’s not FEEDOR, F’DUR, FAYDOR, or FUNDABBDOOZIE. It’s fucking Fyodor. Goddamn idiots.