Not martial arts, but…

I got so angry teaching at an elementary school today.

After the class I was eating some food with the staff. One lady had spent some time living in England. Naturally, this made her an authority on every aspect of the country, from the weather to the television to the tea-drinking habits.

Any questions about England from other staff members were directed at her, despite the fact that they had a living, breathing, tea-drinking Englishman sitting right in front of them.

I was tired after a few hours of teaching rowdy 10 year olds, and couldn’t be bothered to contend any of the crap she was spouting, but according to her, England is a very strange place:

  • In the summer, the sun rises at 2 or 3 in the morning, and sets at about 11 at night.
  • In winter, the sun rises at about 9 or 10 a.m. and sets by 4 p.m.
  • In winter, it is -10 degrees every single day.
  • There isn’t really a summer in England.
  • Winter is much longer in England than in any other country.
  • All English gardens have delicious apple trees in them.
  • We all eat microwave food every night for dinner.
  • Every English child dreams of going to Harrow or Eaton.
  • It rains every single day without fail.
  • London isn’t nice because of all the Arabs and Indians.

I mean, what the fuck was she talking about? Sunrise at 2 a.m.? She made up some crazy scenario where she couldn’t sleep because of the sun waking her up at 2 in the morning! Is she delusional or what? She even went on to say that’s why all English people have extra-thick curtains (all English people)… to keep out that 2 a.m. sunrise in the summer.

Jeebus H Kristos.

If I ever catch myself generalising about a country so broadly and so innacurately, I’m going to castrate myself with a mechanical whisk as punishment.