TUF Shit Episode 6

The episode opens with a cat being flayed alive and nailed to a wall. No, wait, sorry. That didn’t happen.

The guys in the car on the way back from the fight pick make some actually rather amusing gags about Matt Brown.

Then the show is in danger of showing too much normal activity and interesting dialogue from the fighters so that scene quickly switches to muscled, tattooed guys with their caps on backwards knocking back shots of liquor. Phew!

After every shot the boys say “woo” and look around at each other, pleased as little kids who have just laid a turd on the kitchen floor and are waiting for their mums to come home and see it. Tim Credeur breaks the unwritten rule by talking to the camera man. They let it slip this time because he is badmouthing some idiot but I know that Dana White later inserted a screwdriver into Tim’s rectum while whispering “Will you ever speak to the cameraman again big man?” in his ear.

Jeremy May makes out that he was only pretending to be doing shots and was really doing water, but I don’t believe him because his face is so disgusting greasy and his eyelids so puffy that he has to be hungover.

Jeremy May says that “in a good Christian way, he is going to beat his (Matt Brown’s) face in.” If there’s anything I like more than an annoying twat, it’s an annoying religious twat. He claims to be training Jeremy Jitsu. I can’t even begin to describe how lame this is.

Lots of shots of Matt Brown looking moody and be-goateed. He says some things about prison and drugs and alcohol. He doesn’t say “warrior” which is strange, but I commend him for resisting the urge.

The Excite-O-Pumpometer vagely flickers between “Huh? What?” and “Ooh I found a toenail” as Matt Brown and Jeremy May do the weird posing-for-non-existant-photographs thing.

Jeremy May says that he has been faking a knee injury because he has to do “what works for him.” So what works for him is not training hard for a fight? This Jeremy Jitsu is sounding shittier by the second.

The fight starts and Jeremy May throws punches so wide that I think he brushed the gums of the audience with them. I’m waiting for Brown to unleash the kind of attack that will have May’s grandchildren pre-emptively retroactively crapping in their pants in the future. It doesn’t come.

I feel Forrest’s frustration as he yells “RELEASE THE ANIMAL ALREADY BROWN!” again and again, so loud that he loses his voice. I mean, Brown was made out to be some kind of dangerous killing machine that could flip out at any moment and start tearing people’s ears off at the breakfast table, but in the fight he looks about as aggressive as a neutered koala. Who is asleep.

Jeremy May shows the most advanced technique of Jeremy Jitsu, called “gasping for air and flailing around”, but luckily Brown is able to capitalise on it and counter by kicking him in the face.

There is another fight between two people that I didn’t even realise were on the show until now. Way to go, idiot editors.

They have a pretty good fight and exchange a whole bunch of headbutts. The handsome guy wins one for team Rampage, which has Rampage happier than a pig in shit.

Fade to black with the SAME FUCKING MUSIC AGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIN.

PS Here is last week’s wrapup. Show me some comment love assfaces!

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6 Responses

  1. You really don’t seem to like this show anymore. Which leads to the “why do you watch it then?” question. I recommend you stop for your own mental health.

    You missed commentating on the highest level of douchebaggery in the show though – where May was talking about how the result would never happen again if he and Brown were rematched. As pure a vision of ignorant denial I’ve ever seen.

  2. comment love? no way! you just spoiled the second fight for me! I fell asleep during the fight (I know, I know… but it was valium, not the fight itself)

  3. I feel that if I give up now, I’ll be a quitter.

    Shit, I forgot to mention that… it was really ridiculous wasn’t it? Pure, pure denial.

    Sorry Hywel… what can I say. Did I kill the “excitement” for you?

  4. […] you’re looking for an apt summary of what went on with Wednesday’s TUF, go check out Martial Farts’ writeup which catches the poetry being woven on the show. Above is the most entertaining part of the […]

  5. I gave up blogging on the show after the first episode of this season.

    I just can’t do it. I am an MMA addict and that is the only reason I watch it now. I think I am the only person who would admit to watching “Iron Ring” even though I get absolutely nothing out of it.

  6. I will have to start taking liberties with the show if it doesn’t get any more interesting. Make up my own stories.

    I started watching the Iron Ring but it was too bloody confusing. Edited by a narcoleptic schizophrenic with ADD.

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