TUF Shit – Episode 5

Sigh.

I’m finding it pretty difficult to maintain interest in this series, I don’t know why. It’s very much a paint-by-numbers kind of show. All you need to do is change the names and you pretty much have every single show.

Fighter A defeats Fighter B. Fighter A calls fighter B a warrior and Fighter B admires Fighter A’s warrior spirit. Other team members congratulate their fighter on being a warrior. Dana White says that they went out there and were warriors and that they have a future in the UFC. Coach A is pissed off and walks around growling. Coach B is happy and high fives his warriors repeatedly.

Back at the house, Fighter D has pissed/spat/poured something in Fighter H’s protein/chewing tobacco/marmalade/mouth. Fighter H is mad as hell and says that warriors should never mess with another warrior’s stuff, for fear of making that warrior mad, and having him get all warrior up in yo ass.

Fighter D challenges Fighter H to pick him and then they can settle their differences in the octagon, like warriors. Fighter D agrees.

Dana White / Coach A / Coach B randomly turns up at the house. All fighters laugh/giggle/talk nervously. There is much high-fiving. Then he leaves.

POSSIBLE ALTERNATE STORYLINE! Fighter P gets a message from home. We the viewers are privy to the truth: His dog has hurt its paw/his wife missed a period/his friend got drunk and accidentally took a dump on his own head/his pet turtle got sat on by a horse but is OK now/his girlfriend spontaneously combusted. Other fighters grill Fighter P on what happened. Fighter P loves the attention and holds back for a long time on the news. Other fighters assume Fighter P’s parents have killed themselves and each other in a double murder suicide, or that a plane has just crashed on a nuclear plant in their hometown completely decimating everything they’ve ever known. Fighter P eventually reveals the truth and is silently stripped of his warrior status and loses all his friends.

The pick for the next fight is decided. Fighter M and Fighter Z step up to each other and attempt to intimidate each other with growls/grunts/lack of high-fives/warrior-type motions. Other fighters whoop and high five each other hard.

A preview for the next fight is shown. Fighter M punches/kicks/knees Fighter Z in the head/body/leg/pancreas. Repeat as nu-metal fades in and the sounds of warriors can be heard.

END!

Actually I am looking forward to Matt Brown against that May guy, who is one of the biggest idiots I have ever seen in my life.

Brown: Are we that tight that we can play around like that?

May (sheepishly, a large brown stain slowly spreading in his underpants): I… well… I mean… I thought we could be…

AWESOME! Warrior.

Oh, I forgot to add… Tim Credeur, still pumped from his previous outing as a warrior, and obviously has been reading the Hagakure on the toilet again, steps up to the two fighters after the fight and says “Way to be warriors, guys. Way to be warriors.”

Way to be warriors, indeed.

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One Response

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