How to turn a ratty old pair of kung fu pants into fight shorts!

I might have a top-secret project coming up for Fighters Only magazine, and for it, I need my Shooto gear. I splashed out a while ago and bought some gloves, some grappling shorts, and a groin guard. So I went into my closet to dust off my nut-box, and couldn’t find my shorts anywhere. Fucking shit burgers. I think I left them in England. So, seeing as I’m skint, I decided to chop up an old pair of ratty kung fu pants and turn them into totarly awesum grapplinge shorts!1!?

I wanted to use my old gi-pants, from the first gi I ever got. But I tried them on and I looked like MC Hammer, those mother fuckers were big! Jeez I must have been fat before. So anyway, luckily I found some old kung fu trousers and used them.

Here’s a step-by-step guide, so you can do the same. Warning: I spent about four fucking hours hunched over a sewing machine and it was totally not worth it, but check it out anyway, assholes!

Step 1: Get ratty old kung fu pants out.

shorts-ratty.jpg

Step 2: Get totally freakin’ sweet reversal patch ready. Fold the edges over and iron flat.

shorts-beauty.jpg

Step 3: Fold the shorts to the length you want. I originally was just going to cut them off, but I thought the material was too thin, so decided to split them, and fold the bottom half up inside the top half, kind of like when a man undergoes a sex change and they cut his cock open lengthways and push it up and… oh god this is disgusting. Kind of like they did to Babs in League of Gentlemen, anyway. Check the size and pin it in place!

shorts-size-check.jpg

Step 4: Cut the pants all the way up to the knee (or the point where you want them to end on your leg). Fold over the seams and sew them to stop them splitting. At this point they look like some kind of ultra-funky, Bruce Lee inspired flares. Or they just look like trousers that have been cut open, either way.

shorts-split.jpg

Step 5: Stitch a whole bunch of stuff. This part is not fun.

shorts-stitching.jpg

Step 6: This is the base of the pants, now folded up inside and sewed (badly) near the waistband.

shorts-waist.jpg

Step 7: Break and eat some seriously tasty oven grilled chicken. That’s what I did, anyway.

Step 8: Prepare the sheer beauty that is a crisp new Reversal patch. Drooooool. On a serious note, in an arty, crafty, totally unconscious level, there is something I love about the texture, solid construction, and clean colours of Reversal patches. Sewing them on yourself is surprisingly satisfying.

stitching.jpg

Step 9: Sew that motherfucker on and basically you are done!

shorts-finished.jpg

Step 10: Get some fucking leg muscles, Jesus you skinny fuck.

shorts-last1.jpg

Making my own shorts was an interesting and painful experience I will probably never, ever repeat, and although the shorts will probably fall apart as soon as anyone touches them, they will forever hold a special place in my chest cavity.

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8 Responses

  1. awesome…. good effort!

  2. The clothing on that reversal site looks pretty sick. How can a poor American such as myself go about acquiring such a product?

    p.s. the lighting shirt

    p.p.s. oh yah and that gi on shirt idea is pretty cool.

    p.p.p.s. can you have this many post scripts?

  3. Reversal is the motherfucking shiznit, no doubt. Seriously high level design, all about mma, bjj and grappling.

    Got no idea how you could get hold of it, sorry mate!

  4. I stopped in because I really, really love the title of your blog!!!
    One of the best that I’ve ever seen!

    http://www.trailerparkbarbie.wordpress.com

  5. Please try writing without the profanities. Then only will you and others know whether what you write is readable.

  6. I’ll give it my best fucking shot, dickface!

    Sorry, couldn’t resist.

    What’s wrong with swearing? Does it offend you? Are you religious?

    I like swearing. It’s funny, and indicative of the way I speak when I’m with friends.

    Would you like it if I stopped swearing? Would you consider me a better person then? But you don’t know me. What if I punch old ladies in the face for kicks? Would you be happy, as long as I wasn’t swearing?

  7. Nice shorts Matt, good handy work! 🙂

    Reversal’s designs are great, shame they’re so expensive. 🙂

    Adam Adshead

  8. Punching and swearing, now we’re onto something. GROINK!
    Also, a big part of me (not my shlong) is really hoping that they do fall apart when someone touches them to reveal your y-fronts.

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